Brave Enough to Be It

 

“For there is always light, if only we're brave enough to see it.”[i]

Sometimes, my fears and anxieties about working in the public sector are crippling.

I think about how common it is to experience burnout in the nonprofit arena. I think about the constant struggles for funding and other resources and the problems that never get fixed and sometimes even intensify. I imagine the hard conversations and disagreements I could have as a manager with the highest stakes possible—human health and success. And I think that maybe I’m chasing the wrong career.

My doubts are usually fleeting, because I remember the flashbulb moments in my life that steered me towards the public sector. One of my pivotal experiences happened when I was 22 years old. I was far away from home, spending my semester studying at Brigham Young University’s London Centre.

On a fall afternoon I was wandering through an exhibit in the Museum of London—what we called homework that semester. I remember stopping to read some words printed on one of the museum walls. It was a poem called The London Breed by Benjamin Zephaniah.

Zephaniah’s words captivated me. They flowed into my soul. I could hear and smell and taste the poem, almost like it was a 4D exhibit. Since I was with a group of friends, I took a low-quality iPhone picture of the wall, planning to re-read the poem when I had more time. I couldn’t stop thinking about the words for the rest of the day, and during the nearly five years since that moment in the museum, the poem’s message has come to my mind often.

Now, I look back and try to remember why Zephaniah’s poem resonated with me so instantly and deeply and why his words keep visiting me, but I can’t exactly explain it. All I know is that the poem beautifully celebrates the mixing of cultures and peoples that defines the history of London. It honors a breed of people whose very identity and life is tied to the multiplicity of foods, religions, music styles, traditions, and languages that ebb and flow in London.

Zephaniah illustrates the chaos and the constant creation of an ever-evolving culture that accompanies the tides of people arriving and putting down roots in London, nurturing a growing number of members of the London Breed.

I think this poem has stayed with me through the years because it articulates a worldview that I had never considered before when I first read it, but found unifying, hopeful, and accepting of change and new ideas. It changed me because it enhanced my perspective on not only Londoners, but also all of humankind.

Zephaniah’s love letter to London helped me be brave enough to see the potential for joy and light in scary and complicated and wild places and situations. It taught me that differences and change and newness can be celebrated, honored, and encouraged to grow. The sentiments in the poem fostered in me a deeper and more complex love for the communities and societies I belong to; it encouraged my desire to contribute to making the places I love function and thrive and realize their potential.

Since that day in the museum, I’ve heard and read other words from academics, activists, classmates, colleagues, leaders, family, and friends that have lifted and changed me and encouraged my journey in the public sector. Words have steered me to understanding and action countless times.

I continue to learn over and over again that the messages we send and receive have very real power. Benjamin Zephaniah couldn’t have known that his poem would encourage a young American college student to immerse herself further in her communities. We can’t know how we affect the work, service, and beliefs of the people our words touch.

We must be brave enough to see the light and to speak it. The messages we send can transform our relationships and communities. I know this because on January 20^th of this year, another poem struck my core and enlightened my heart and mind. This time, I, along with millions of others, witnessed a young poet named Amanda Gorman recite her message live.

Gorman helped me more fully realize my identity when she shared the words she had carefully crafted. She taught me about my history, my struggles, and my legacy as an American. Her words were a balm for the fears and anxieties I’ve felt as I’ve begun immersing myself in the public sector during the last few years. And, I realized that as her words reached millions of other households along with mine, her message would multiply, and she would never know the extent of her impact. She encouraged improvement and progress and hope in me, and, I venture to say, in millions of others.

The struggles and disagreements will continue. The problems will perpetuate. The fight for resources will be exhausting. Violence and injustice and bad policies and corruption won’t dissipate overnight. But, being a public administrator means being a servant and caregiver of a 244-year-old institution that is continually progressing and reconciling with its past mistakes and shortcomings and inching closer to stewarding its people the way it should.

Being a public servant means that I can choose to nourish the good, share messages that encourage and enlighten, and speak this truth to power:

“For there is always light, […] if only we’re brave enough to be it.”[ii]

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[i] Gorman, Amanda, “The Hill We Climb.”

[ii] Gorman, Amanda, “The Hill We Climb.”

I have something to say

Lately I've just really been feeling this urge to get my voice out into the world. And I know, like no one reads this, but something I need to be better at is getting my opinions out there and this is a good start, I guess. There are so many different things I think and wonder about, and this blog may end up a mess of a bunch of random tangents, but that's not a bad thing.
To start, in honor of Harper Lee, I watched To Kill a Mockingbird today (it's on netflix, yay!). And I don't even want to admit this, but it was embarrassingly my first time seeing the film. And I haven't read the book either. It was never assigned in my high school classes and I didn't make a point of seeking it out and reading it. And shame on me, because wow. It affected me deeply. Atticus Finch is a true hero. He sees things with incredible clarity and has a pure, unaffected, beautiful sense of humanity. Like... this quote though: "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” So good.
 In today's world there is so much, SO MUCH muck we have to sort through in order to get through to real issues and see what's truly going on. So many diverse opinions are instantly available, and unfortunately they are often defensive, negative, and misinformed. This virtual and ongoing war of words shows that hatred is such a prevalent force today and it's nourished by the social expectation that we can say whatever we want, especially online, and feel secure because we have that freedom. And freedom is good, indeed great, but not when it's tainted by the oppressive opinions circulating at the forefront of everyone's vision. It's clouding our ability to see people as they really are and to appreciate the diverse, rich, and beautiful world we live in. There is so much good we can do in the world if we realize that we can make a difference and stand up for the values of respect, courage, and intelligence. That's what Atticus Finch did. He was a member of a society with deeply rooted traditions but he recognized a problem and stood alone in addressing it. And in doing so he did the most important thing he could have possibly done-he fostered those values in his children, ensuring that their future could be bright and influential.
I could go on about the many themes in the film (and book which I haven't read) but I think that's what's mostly on my mind right now. So yeah... just be a good human.

cheers

Tamsyn

It is finished

So, this was my last week in New Testament class. I have loved learning about the Savior and His doings and teachings this semester. I feel like I've been able to understand a little bit more of who He is and why it's important to constantly be studying and applying His words. This week we talked about Jesus's scourging and crucifixion, and later His resurrection. One of my favorite things we talked about was when Jesus tarried with the disciples He met on the road to Emmaus. On the road, He quoted scriptures to them about Himself and yet, they didn't understand who He was until this special moment, recorded in Luke 24:30-31. It says: "And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them. And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight." Brother Griffin talked about how they probably noticed the marks on Jesus's hands and wrists as he tore the bread and gave it to them, and realized who they were with.
I love this because that is what the sacrament does for us. When we sit down and take the bread and water each week, pondering His suffering and sacrifice and triumph, our eyes are opened to His mercy, grace, and love and we come closer to Him each time as we feel the warmth of forgiveness. Even though Christ doesn't physically hand us the bread and water, it symbolizes everything He went through and we take it because He was able to finish His Father's will and complete the Atonement, thereby making it possible for all of us to repent and live again. I think the significance of the sacrament is sometimes lost on us, but learning this this week will help me to make that time on Sundays much more sacred and meaningful, because He really is giving it to us personally, we just have to take the time to prepare for it and accept His incredible gift.

I have suffered these things for all

This week in my New Testament class we studied the Savior's suffering in Gethsemane. I gained a new perspective as we talked about the experience Jesus had in that garden. First, we talked about the range of emotions that we go through when we sin. We experience guilt, shame, sorrow, pain, hopelessness, loneliness,  doubt, and many other things. Jesus not only felt all of these emotions multiplied to an incomprehensible amount, He also suffered, as it says in Alma 7, our weaknesses, sicknesses, temptation, and any other physical and mental pains that come through various trials in life. And, something I never connected before is in Doctrine & Covenants 19. It says "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent." This implies That Jesus suffered other things too, that none of us have ever felt, and that we will only feel if we don't turn to Him and accept the gift of His Atonement by repenting.
Knowing that just deepens my gratitude for Him and His sacrifice for all of us. Because not only are we saved from suffering after we die, we can be succored and supported through every single thing we go through. Because He truly knows, better than anyone ever could, what it means to feel cut off from everything good. He was in constant communication with His father until He entered that garden, and going from so much light to so much darkness gives Him the ability to lift us through everything.
I am grateful for this time of year where we celebrate not only the birth of our Savior, but also the significance of the life that He led. This video sums up simply and beautifully why we are so blessed and why we should show our gratitude to Christ this season, and every day of our lives.

I will not leave you comfortless

We studied a couple of chapters in John this week that record some of Christ's words to His disciples as He walks to Gethsemane. One topic that really stood out to me from these passages was the Holy Ghost. We talked about how when we discuss the Holy Ghost we have questions like "will he ever get a body?" or "is he our brother too?" or other things like that. We don't have clear answers on many things, but one thing we do know is that the Holy Ghost is a gift to us. And really, that's the only thing that matters right now. And He is such a great gift because as this scripture tells us:

"But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me" (John 15:26) 

So whenever we need the Spirit in more abundance in our life, it is clear that the Holy Ghost will be with us when we are learning about our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, through prayer, through scripture study, through taking the sacrament. The Holy Ghost doesn't draw attention to Himself. His purpose is to bring us closer to the other members of the Godhead. 

I love that the name "Comforter" is used to describe the Holy Ghost, because there is truly no greater comfort than knowing of the reality and love of our Father and Jesus Christ. Whenever we feel insignificant, hopeless, in despair, uncertain, we can be lifted up by the Holy Ghost as we remember our Savior and His loving sacrifice for us, and that God wants us so much to return to Him with joy.

There is no replacement for the feelings of the Spirit. There are other temporary sources of happiness or comfort, but the Holy Ghost helps us feel the promises of eternity and He is there to help us along and to remind us of our infinite potential.

I will make thee ruler over many things

In New Testament class this week we studied Matthew 25 which contains some parables taught by Christ in answer to the question: what is a faithful and wise servant? One that stood out to me, even though I've heard it plenty of times is the parable of the talents. Often we think of this parable as just applying to talents, as in skills and abilities, but Brother Griffin suggested that the talents symbolize everything God has given us. All of us have different strengths, situations, and opportunities and those allow us to serve and grow here on Earth. Comparing ourselves to others, feeling down that we aren't as capable as people around us doesn't do any good because as this parable shows, our Heavenly Father intended for us to be different and he doesn't expect us all to produce the same things. He just wants us to do the best we can. The only thing that really matters is the level of our faith. When we have faith we are able to multiply His gifts and use them to bless others and increase our conversion. That is the only difference between the servant with the 10 talents and the 1 talent. One of them had faith and one had fear. 

Another notable thing is that the servants that had 10 and 5 talents given to them both had faith and were able to accomplish what their master wanted them to. He says to both of them the exact same thing: "Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord". That is what we can look forward to. If we do our part and rely on Christ's grace and mercy, we will be rewarded and have joy knowing we did what we could. This reminds me of a poem by Meade MacGuire that President Monson once quoted. It goes: 
“Father, where shall I work today?”

And my love flowed warm and free.
Then he pointed out a tiny spot
And said, “Tend that for me.”
I answered quickly, “Oh no, not that!
Why, no one would ever see,
No matter how well my work was done.
Not that little place for me.”
And the word he spoke, it was not stern; …
“Art thou working for them or for me?
Nazareth was a little place,
And so was Galilee.”

Even if we feel like we don't have many gifts or we aren't good enough, this shows that we can become much more than we think we can. That is the example and gift Christ gave to us. 

Render unto God the things that are God’s

I have learned that everything Christ says has multiple layers of significance. This is one reason it's so important to study the scriptures regularly, and prayerfully. Depending on where we are in life and what we specifically need, there is always something new and relevant for us to learn. An example of this is in Matthew 22. The Pharisees are trying to trick Jesus by asking him if it is lawful to give tribute to Caesar. He answers by showing them a coin and telling them to "render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s".
To take that a little deeper, in the scriptures we learn we are created in the image of God... not in the image of Caesar or some other random person. We are God's. And Jesus tells us in Matthew 22 that we should render ourselves unto Him. I looked up the definition of render. It has two meanings.
1. provide or give.
2. cause to be or become; make.

I love that second definition... we can actually become or be made into something much, much greater than we are now. And how do we do that? By providing our whole hearts, by giving up the things that aren't of God. This scripture reminded me of a chapter in the Book of Mormon that I always go to when I want to evaluate myself. Alma 5. Verse 14 in particular asks some poignant questions. "Have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?" Questions like these help us to see if we really are rendering ourselves unto God.

I know that it is possible for us to become like our Heavenly Father. Jesus showed us that. And we have many other examples of lives of service and consecration. One Brother Griffin mentioned is John R. Moyle. He walked 22 miles to the site of the Salt Lake Temple every week to help with the construction. Then he lost his leg. Then he made a new one and again walked 22 miles every week so that he could carve "Holiness to the Lord, the House of the Lord" on the temple walls. So yes, it is possible. It definitely isn't always the easy way, but it is the best way.